Eating Disorders as Safety-Seeking

Eating disorders aren’t just about food, body image, or weight. They are often:

• Attempts to manage anxiety or chaos

• Ways to feel control or structure when life feels unpredictable

• Numbing tools for emotional pain or trauma

• Signals that something deeper is distressing the person

In this sense, the behaviors (restriction, bingeing, purging, obsessive thoughts) may feel functional or even safe — especially in the short term.

“This is the only thing I feel like I can control.”
“When I eat this way, I feel numb — and that feels better than overwhelmed.”
“Following these rules makes me feel like I’m doing something right.”

The Nervous System View: Seeking Regulation

From a nervous system perspective, eating disorder behaviors are often attempts to self-regulate:

• Restriction can create a shut-down, numb state (dorsal vagal = “freeze”)

• Bingeing may provide momentary comfort, distraction, or reward

• Purging can mimic a release, offering a false sense of relief

• Rituals and rules create predictability in an unpredictable world

The behaviors become coping mechanisms, even if they are harmful in the long run. They are the brain and body’s best attempt to feel safe, soothed, or in control — until safer, healthier tools are available.

Especially True for Kids & Teens

Children and teens may develop eating disorders in response to:

• Bullying or body shaming

• Family stress, divorce, or trauma

• High-achieving environments with perfectionism

• Loss, grief, or medical experiences

• Sensory sensitivity or neurodivergence (in ARFID, for example)

In these situations, eating patterns can become a way to anchor themselves, avoid discomfort, or express distress without words.

Why This Lens Matters

Viewing eating disorders as safety-seeking doesn’t mean excusing them — but it changes how we treat them.

Instead of saying:
“You’re being defiant.”
“You just want attention.”
“You’re doing this to hurt yourself.”

We can say:
“You’re doing your best to survive with the tools you have.”
“Your eating disorder makes sense — and it’s not your fault.”
“Let’s build new ways to feel safe that don’t harm you.”

Recovery = Building New Safety

Healing from an eating disorder is about replacing the old safety strategies with new ones:

• Connection

• Emotional regulation

• Somatic safety

• Nourishment that builds trust, not fear

• Gentle exposure to flexibility and rest

Recovery is not just about changing behaviors — it's about rebuilding the internal sense of safety that makes those behaviors unnecessary.

Final Thought

Eating disorders aren’t just disorders — they are signals.
They ask us to look deeper.

If we approach them with curiosity, not judgment — and help the nervous system feel safe again — real healing becomes possible.